Weird Photo Wednesday

I've got the photo, so it's time to resurrect my old tradition. Discuss.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) develops and enforces environmental protection standards and conducts research into the adverse effects of pollution. Ford Motor Company agreed to pay $7.8 million to settle allegations that it violated the Clean Air Act by illegally installing a device which defeated the emissions control system in its 1997 Ford Econoline vans. The EPA claimed the automaker used an illegal defeat device, in this case, a sophisticated electronic control strategy designed to enhance fuel economy. The EPA estimated that the settlement would prevent thousands of tons of nitrogen oxide from being released into the atmosphere. The smog caused by nitrogen oxide can aggravate asthma and cause other respiratory problems in humans.

Ref: Page 9 of this document

This van is probably older than 1997, but you get the idea.

Do you think I should look up the toxic effects from spray-paint cans (I love the irony of "Vote Green" spray-painted on the back of the van), or would that be overkill?

Knowing and Believing

I went to a Scottish Ceileigh at the Black Watch Tower on Bleury on Saturday night. Bagpipes, kilts, pints, and haggis (yum!) were the order of the evening.

Don't give me that look about eating haggis. It is quite good if you can just get past the image of it. If you can eat lobster (which involved boiling a crustacean live, breaking its bones, and sucking meat from its dead carcass), you can give haggis a try.

I was chatting with a girl there (gasp!) and she was telling me how, at the early age of 12, she was travelling the world with her parents when she and her brother had been bitten by a mosquito and infected with a fatal disease. Her brother was infected first and died two weeks later. Then she was infected, sent to a local shaman, and cured in two days.

The conversation then turned to philosophy and world religions. That's when Johann spoke up and stated "I don't believe in God. I only believe the things I can see with my own eyes."

Me: Have you been to Egypt? Have you seen the Pyramids?
J: No.
Me: Does that mean that the Egyptian pyramids do not exist?
J: No. I know they exist. I know people who have seen them, I've read about them in books, and seen reports about them on TV.
Me: Ah... but until you see them in person, you can't actually know that they exist. You can only believe what other people tell you, but you don't know. That's why people travel... so they can know they exist, see the pyramids with their own eyes.
J: ...

That's what I usually tell people who say to me that they only believe in what they can perceive with their own senses. It's not that I don't think there are pyramids in Eygpt: I believe they are there due to everything I've read and seen. But I won't know that they are there until I visit them in person.

Okay... here's another example to illustrate the difference between knowing and believing. Pardon the macabre example, but if you've ever had someone die in your arms, you can explain the emotional impact of it to someone else all you like, making sure they understand what's going on. But that person will never truly know what that experience is like until it happens to them, not matter how many books or TLC specials they see on it.

There are many things that we think we know, but really, we only really believe because other people have told us so repeatedly. In that way, what we choose to believe and what we know are two different things. You don't have to believe you are sitting in a chair reading this: you know it. However, you believe that I actually wrote it, you don't know it (unless you were watching me type it over my shoulder).

So following, researching, and developing spiritual beliefs isn't such a great leap. I may not know there's a divine energy holding the universe together and that, through culturally traditional methods, I can harness that energy to achieve a goal, but I can certainly believe it just like I believe that there are pyramids in Egypt.

I Have a Request

On behalf of anyone who has coughed, sneezed, blown his/her nose, or suffered from any kind of fever in the past month, I must make the following statements:

1. We do NOT have SARS. And no, we have not licked any Chinese Health Care Workers in the last two months.

2. Having people constantly ask us if we have SARS is NOT funny. Oh sure, we chuckled politely the first 50 times we heard it, but the novelty of it all is wearing off. Cut it out.

3. Yes, we have seriously considered the possibility of being stricken with this deadly disease. Anyone who has felt the tickle in their throats in the past month has picked up the paper or searched on the Internet for the symptoms of SARS. A few of us have been so afraid that we've gone to see our family doctors for a 51st opinion (albeit a more professional one than the taxi driver, the florist, and our local bartender).

4. We are miserable and suffering enough without everyone around us suggesting that a) we may be dying of an uncurable disease and b) that we could be carriers. Cut it out.

Thank you.

Shameless Plug

Next weekend (not this weekend, but the weekend after), there are plenty of storytelling things afoot! So since I have your undivided attention for the next 30 seconds, I figured I'd tell you about it. The storytelling year is rapidly coming to a close, so if you were thinking about coming to a storytelling session sometime, next weekend would be the time to do it.

So here are the particulars:

===
May 2nd, 2003 (Friday night)

Storyteller's Guild of Montreal: Swapping Grounds

Admission: $4 (adults)/$3 (students)
Annual Membership: $25 (adults) // $15 (students, fixed income)

First Friday of every month (from October to June)
Cafe Insomniac
5322 Queen-Mary (near Snowdon metro, west of Decarie)
Notre-Dame de Grace, Montreal
8 pm

===
May 3rd, 2003 (Saturday)

Storytelling Workshop for Beginners
1 pm to 3 pm
Unitarian Church
5035 de Maisonneuve
(near Vendome metro).

Note: I'll be giving this workshop with local storytelling matron Rosalyn Cohen.

Come and learn about the process of storytelling and learn some of the basic techniques (choosing a story, learning it, telling it).

The cost of this workshop is $10 for members of the Guild and $15 for non-members (payable at the door).

If you intend to come to the workshop, please bring a small personal item that you feel has some kind of story attached to it. For example, you could bring a family heirloom and relate the story behind it.

During the workshop, you will have the chance to learn a story and practice telling it to the group. We will be supplying sample stories, but if you have a story that you would like to share with the group, feel free to bring it along.

If you intend to participate in this workshop on May 3rd, please RSVP with me by either calling me (514-488-5430) or emailing me (jdhobbes@yahoo.ca).

Space is limited, so reserve your spot quickly!

===
May 3rd, 2003 (Saturday)

… And then there was Music
An evening of Stories with and about Music

Note: I'll be telling a story with local fiddle player Jonathan Mooreman! Didja hear that Drew? Jonathan!

Doors open: 7:30 pm
Storytelling: 8:00 pm
$10.00

Unitarian Church of Montreal
5035 de Maisonneuve
(Vendome metro)
The church is on the corner of de Maisonneuve West and Bulmer Street (one half block west of Claremont Avenue).

A Call to Action for Libraries

Unfortunately, the economic axe came down in April and closed one of our local institutions known as the Fraser-Hickson Library. This library is a stone-throw's away from my pad in NDG and I've spent many an afternoon perusing its books (mostly in the Children's Library, looking for new stories to tell).

The Fraser-Hickson was a popular library and was always busy with people using its services. It was kept alive through donations and private support, but the money finally ran out this year and the library had to close its doors. What's frustrating is that the city of Montreal has a plan to keep the libraries properly funded, but it will take two years to implement. The Fraser-Hickson needs the money now.

When I went to vote in the last election, there were a couple of guys offering a petition to keep the library open (which I signed) and they handed out flyers with a call to action (read more about this story here). The flyer suggests that you call Helen Fotopulos (the City Councillor for the Arts) and tell her that the NDG borough needs more funding to keep it's beloved Fraser-Hickson Library open, at least until the city's library plan goes into action.

So if you're interested in saving the Fraser-Hickson Library, you can call Helen Fotopulos at 514-872-2430 or email her at hfotopulos@ville.montreal.qc.ca. Remind her that the Fraser-Hickson is an important part of the neighborhood, that the citizens greatly benefit from its services, and it deserves support by the city.

Dr. Phil vs Evil Baby

Since I had the gall to blog about the Evil Baby, it's been glowering at me for several days now. On buses, in the metros, various billboards. If anything, the baby is coming off as more evil every day. Shudder. Begone Sinister Baby!

But another Bald Wonderboy is rearing his cueball head: Dr. Phil. Granted, I've not watched the show much (I gave up on talk shows years ago), but I know too many people who have too much to say about how intelligent, compassionate, and wise Dr. Phil is.

The one time I half-watched a Dr. Phil show (I could've changed the channel, but the remote was way over there), he came off as a self-righteous boob. The man with all the answers so you don't actually have to think for yourself. Our Comb-Over Champion. Our Oprah-Approved Oracle.

Has this man gazed into his Psychological Book of Shadows, realized that I'm not watching, and sent his evil minions to infiltrate my life? And why do they all look like Evil Babies?

You think I'm making this up, don't you? Well... I am, but only a little.

Thinking Twice

Last Thursday (I don't tend to blog much on vacation), I was walking down Ste. Catherines street, on my way to a workshop on the plateau. I had just turned up on Stanley intending to find the closest metro.

That's when I heard the sound. It's a sound that is still ringing in my head today. The closest thing I can compare it to is the sound a melon would make hitting a hard surface.

I turned around and noticed a woman lying on the ground, face-up, with blood seeping from her head. A crowd gathered around her, while others popped open their cells to call the paramedics.

That's why I noticed three people wrestling between myself and the woman. It was two guys with a girl in between tussling, falling, and rolling from the sidewalk and into the street. Traffic swerved and screeched, try to get out of their way. The girl was screaming "Let him go motherfucker! Get your fucking hands off him!" Aside from the grunting of effort, the two guys were quiet.

Then I heard a man on a cellphone talking to the police. He reported that the man in the blue shirt had stolen a CD from HMV and in his hurry to get away, knocked a woman over.

At that point, the thief wriggled and twisted himself free and started to make a run for it. I blocked his path, trying to grab at him, but he dodged me and ran straight into two other burly guys who managed to grab him. Although he still fought them, he could not get away from their grip. Eventually, the two guys forced him to the ground and held him there.

The girl was on top of them in flash, kicking, scratching, screaming. Where the hell were the cops? She grabbed one of the guys by the throat saying "Who the hell are you? Mind your own fucking business! Let him go or I'll choke you asshole!" Her light blue fingernails dug into his skin while her eyes bored holes in anyone who got too close.

One of the guys let the thief go and attempted to remove her hand from the guys throat. She punched, kicked, and scratched, while the thief made another break for it. I grabbed at him, catching his shirt while another guy had him by the torso, forcing him down.

The thief, although enthusiastic to get away, remained calm and quiet during the whole episode, as opposed to his girlfriend. "A woman's been hurt," I shouted at her. "Your friend has to answer for that."

"So what... a lady's hurt," she spat back. "Why should you care? Get your hands off him!"

"Because we're showing more concern for her than your friend is showing for you, trying to get away and trying to leave you to clean up his mess."

"Fuck you," she snarled, although I could see a glimmer of doubt in her eyes. She calmed down after that.

The cops finally showed up and put the thief in cuffs. Since I didn't actually see anything with my own eyes, I left the scene and grabbed a cab to get to my workshop on time.

I was fine until 15 minutes later when the adrenaline wore off and I started to shake uncontrollably.

Drew was alarmed that I got involved. "What if he had a knife or a gun?" I supposed that's true; I took a risk. If he had just stolen a CD, I probably wouldn't have done anything.

But a woman lay still and bleeding profusely from the head. None of us on the sidewalk that day wanted him to get away for that. It could've been our blood discoloring the sidewalk that day. Any of us.

Drew agreed that I did the right thing in the end, but she wanted me to think twice in the future. The thing is that I did think twice, in the few seconds before the thief ran my way.

My first thought was "Don't get involved. Walk away.
My second thought was "Shut up. Do something."
My third thought was "What if I get hurt?"
My fourth thought was "Shut up. Do something."

I wonder how many other people struggled with their conscience and their survival instinct?

Note: I never did find out what happened to that woman.

Be Afraid

I noticed that Drew's Window Washer Fluid light is now flashing in her SUV, so I've started the countdown. How long do you figure it'll be before my pager goes off? Bets anyone?

To see what I'm talking about see SUV Princess.

Evil Baby

After reading Blork's examination of Montreal billboard ads in the metros, I started taking a look around and I noticed this one:



Flexiglasses are a great idea, but I had no idea there was a band of Sinister Babies going around, snatching spectacles, and having their way with them. Are the victims of this heinous crime some kind of target audience? Would somebody actually look at this ad and think "Why, that looks just like my own evil son when he bent my glasses in the shape of the UnHoly Beast, the little darling."

That child (undoubtedly named Damian) gives me the creeps. No matter where you go in the metro (or now on the Web), those eyes seem to follow you around. Brrrrrr...

The New View

My client has moved from McGill college to Crescent/Rene Levesque, so I'm a pint's throw away from Hurley's Pub (I went there for lunch). I'm on the 10th floor of the new E-Commerce Place. I was hoping I would face the Guaranteed Milk bottle, but my current view is not a bad trade-off (pardon the sad attempt at a panoramic view).

It's debatable as to how long I will actually hang on to this office. There's some grumbling from my fellow collegues as to why the junior member of the team ended up with the best view. That's what worshipping the False Gods will earn ya.

I daresay, my new view rivals the former view that Chez Blork once had.